An Accidental Realization

*This post was featured on Soul Journey Inspiration

I remember watching reruns of Punky Brewster when I was 4 years old and telling my mom I wanted to be on TV,  just like Punky, when I got older.  She would say to me “you gotta have white teeth if you wanna be on TV.”  So for the next few years, I brushed my teeth four times a day— you win that one mom.  Then I did it, I worked extremely hard for years and years and I became an actress.

I was in some pretty popular TV shows, Modern Family and Criminal Minds to name a few.  I’ve met big name celebrities while filming National commercials.  I was in a bunch of music videos and was even on the cover of a hit album in the UK .  I was a model for a popular clothing brand.  I had a really fun role in a Judd Apatow/Adam Sandler film and I’ve been the lead in a bunch of Independent films.  I’ve met amazing people on set, including two of my now best friends.  I made great money, had a ton of fun and a little over a year ago— I quit!

…and it was the best decision I’ve ever made!


A lot of people don’t understand.  A lot of people give me a hard time about it and a lot of people will just never get why I “gave up” on my dream, but that’s okay. I don’t see it that way at all.

Let me take a minute to discuss the life of an actor; it’s one big waiting game.  You wait for your next audition, you wait to book your next role, and you wait for your big break.  Then when you finally book that ONE role, you get to set, all full of energy and excitement— and you wait!

On set of the Indie film, “Underwater Upside Down”

So, after 12 years of waiting and a life changing, solo, trip to Portland Oregon, I realized that I didn’t want to put my life on hold any longer.  I decided to start living my OWN life– where I could do whatever I want, whenever I wanted.  Now I can leave LA during pilot season if I choose, dye my hair blue if I want, or get a tattoo on my forehead— hey, I’d just like the option, okay?  So, I left my agencies behind, said farewell to my managers, and started a life of travel.

Rio Grande Gorge Bridge, Taos NM

It’s been a year now and I keep wondering when I’m gonna wake up and realize I ruined everything I worked so hard for.  When in reality, quite the opposite happens; I wake up every morning thankful that I spent this last year wandering around the United States, thankful that I’ve met such amazing, welcoming people, and thankful that I have grown in ways I never would have if I was still in LA; just sitting and WAITING.

I’ve realized my dream isn’t my dream any longer and that’s okay.  People change, dreams change.


“I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer.” -Jim Carrey

Screen Shot 2016-02-20 at 3.39.46 PM

Song of the day: Closing Time by Semisonic

Published by Hardly Grown Up

Just trying to figure out this so called "adulthood."

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